Tools, Schmools: Why Women Don’t Linger in the Hardware Aisle

Here’s something I’ll never understand: the hardware department at Big Box Wonderland.

As far as I can tell, the entire department is devoted to expensive gadgets designed to do one of two things, either screw things, or break them. That's it. That’s the whole function. And yet there are aisles and aisles of tools in fifty shades of chrome, each more intimidating than the last.

There’s a section for electrical tools. A department for manual tools. Tools to grip, twist, rip, drill, whack, and yank. And oddly, they all seem to do variations of the same basic job.

But here’s what really fascinates me:

Have you ever seen a woman in those aisles?

Didn’t think so.

Just men - lusting over these gleaming artifacts like they’re sacred relics. Eyes glazed, hands twitching, fantasizing about torque and voltage.

Meanwhile, we women?

We already own all the tools we need. And they’re in the kitchen.

Need to screw something in? A butter knife will do just fine. It fits every screw, thank you very much, and doesn’t require a $79 battery pack.

Need to break something or pound it into submission? Take off your shoe. The heel of a boot or the sole of a penny loafer delivers the perfect level of controlled demolition.

Look, I’m not knocking craftsmanship. I respect a good tool as much as the next gal. But do we really need a wall of wrenches when a high heel and a little ingenuity will get the job done?

Sometimes I think the hardware aisle isn’t about tools at all. It’s just a showroom for fragile masculinity.

And I say that lovingly. From the kitchen. With a butter knife in hand.

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